Between the User and the Used: Zadie Smith on Instrumentalism
The great paradox, the great pain of human relationships is that they are so often not relational: two lonelinesses colliding without real contact, one or both orienting to the other not as a person but as a projection, mistaking for intimacy its myriad illusions — admiration, adoration, desire. It is always dangerous and damaging, and we are almost never aware — or never willing to listen to the parts of us who are aware — that it is happening until the delirious turbine of the dynamic has spat us out with a concussing confusion and a dislocated heart. We use…  read article
In her latest reflections on human relationships, Zadie Smith unravels the complex dynamics of how we interact with one another, particularly the pervasive and often damaging nature of instrumentalism. In her essay collection "Dead and Alive," Smith delves into the paradox that relationships are frequently not relational at all, but rather a collision of lonelinesses, where individuals orient towards each other not as people, but as projections. This misinterpretation of intimacy often manifests through admiration, adoration, or desire, masking the true nature of the connection.
The danger and harm that arise from such dynamics are subtle and often overlooked. We rarely acknowledge the extent to which we are being used or how we ourselves use others, until the relationship's turbulent energy leaves us with a dislocated heart and a concussing confusion. While it is true that we use each other in benign ways—drawing inspiration, broadening our perspectives, and nurturing each other's strengths—these interactions are akin to symbiosis, where two differently specialized organisms support one another.
However, the real damage occurs when relationships take on the form of parasite-host or predator-prey dynamics, where the user devours the used and discards them once their utility has been exhausted. This is where the line between helpful exchange and harmful exploitation becomes blurred. It is challenging to see these dangerous patterns from within our own lives, but by examining the lives of others—real or imagined—we can gain a sidewise glimpse into the complexities of our own interactions.
Literature, theater, and film offer a unique opportunity to reflect on these dynamics. They provide a mirror that reflects our experiences back to us, unfiltered by self-judgment or pride. Smith highlights that the people most intriguing to such works are often those who are conflicted, lying, self-deceiving, or imperfect—characters that we have all likely loved or been at some point in our lives.
In one of her essays, Smith examines the film "Tár," painting a haunting portrait of a narcissistic and image-obsessed protagonist. This character exemplifies the dangerous trajectory of instrumentalism, where the user becomes consumed by their need to control and exploit the used, ultimately leading to self-destruction. Through her analysis, Smith invites us to confront the ways in which we might be participating in or witnessing such dynamics in our own lives and the world around us.
Ultimately, Smith's exploration of instrumentalism serves as a call to reevaluate our relationships and the ways in which we interact with one another. By acknowledging the complexities and dangers of these dynamics, we can strive to cultivate more authentic, empathetic connections that prioritize the well-being of all parties involved. Through literature and the arts, we gain the tools to understand and transform our relationships, moving beyond the superficial and towards a deeper, more meaningful understanding of ourselves and others.
